I really don’t want to be sentimental or something. I just want to see him again.
I grew up without him. I met him once when I was three. We lived together for just 10 months and then he flew back to Iraq and worked as a store manager for a fashion boutique. But that departure didn’t mean abandonment. He never left us down. He did supported us, of course and very well I must say. He sends us money and packages every month, sends letters written in a funny way (you read it from left to right) and calls us every now and then. That was true until the 1998 crisis broke in Iraq.
I must understand that he can’t live here in the Philippines. As what he said before, relayed to me by my mother, he’s not aware of how things are going here. He won’t find a job and we’d just die of hunger. And so he had to leave.
But he never came back.
He was one of the ‘civilian’ soldiers in the forced/citizens military to fought in the 1991 war against Kuwait and its US and other Arab country allies. Of course, with that crisis, and my mom without any work to generate income from, we suffered poverty.
I was too young at that time to understand the peril of my dad’s life nor the situation we are in. But I never complained. I asked a lot why dad’s not calling anymore, why there are no more money and packages being sent, why house furnitures are vanishing, why there are no more dolls and shoppings and groceries and movies, and why mom’s jewelry box is empty. I got no good answers. Still, I never complained. I never complained when our landlady kicked our ass out of the apartment after three months of not being able to pay the rent. I never complained when we have to leave our things behind -TV, furnitures, cabinets, glass centertable, and even my gawddamn vintage dolls- as an exchange for the unpaid rental bills. I never complained when we have to transfer from one place to another. I never complained when we don’t have any ‘adobo’ on the dining table anymore, we didn’t have any dining table anyway! I never complained why there are no answers to my questions and childish wondering.
I never complained about not having a dad on family days in grade school, no big daddy to carry me on his broad shoulders during Sunday walk, no goodnight kisses from a guy with that clean mustache, and no one to get the high school guys think twice before any courtship. And of course, I never complained for having no first dance for my debut, I didn’t had 18 roses anyway!
During the 1998 war and crisis in Iraq and nearby country, he flew to Germany and started living there as a refugee. He has no work in Germany. No income, no money, no relatives, no family. Only the $200 support from the German Government. And so, hard life continued. I don’t know what happened next. My mom’s stories are inconsistent. And I am too young to remember.
The last phone call was in 2001. Six years ago. I was really happy to hear his voice again, after several years, and not a stain in mind that this was the last.
And we lost contacts. Our phone line was cut. It’s the bills of course, again. I have here with me an address he gave during that last talk and a cellphone number. We kept sending letters on the address, hoping he’d received. But no letters were returned. We have no cellphone yet in 2001. But as soon as we got one the next year, mom dialled the number and what? It’s not even ringing.
Sigh.
It wouldn’t matter to me now if he already has another family. As a matter of fact, it would be nicer because I can possibly have siblings. I just want to see him again, or just talk to him, reach him in any way. Especially at this time when some gawddam whore in Canada is stealing my mom.
I’m near not another crying fit. I gawddamn miss my dad. I miss the ‘kamusta ang maganda kong anak?’ difficultly uttered. I miss threating my mom that I’ll tell dad if she hurts me or something. It is always the last line of my dad to her during phone calls: ‘Never hurt my child’.
I really don’t want to be sentimental or something. I just want to see him again.
In any case,
Saeed Mohhamed Abbass
Room 206 Deuchland
Ober Anger Strait
Munchen (Munich) 8033
01786512674
Happy father’s day to your dad, cai-sis! Believe in the power of the Net. Someday somebody will read this post that will lead you to him.
God bless, sis!
Posted by des at June 17, 2007, 12:29 pmI am praying that you will see him soon 
I suggest you add a picture of him at the top of this entry
Goodluck!
Posted by Mica at June 17, 2007, 2:07 pmHi Cai, I’m sure he’s out there somewhere and is finding a way to contact you too..
magkikita rin kayo, keep your hopes up! 
I don’t know why, but i have this phobia of fathers and all but seeing what you wrote here kind of makes me think…
“I have a father which I cant remember that I appreciated nor vice versa…and yet there are people who lack them. I am lucky for a context, I guess.”
Happy Fathers day to your dad Cai…
Posted by Vic at June 17, 2007, 6:59 pmpareho tau miss cai, sinilang ako and lumaki ako na wala sa tabi ko father ko. materials pamper me, pero hindi kami ganun ka-close. he is strict and quite hard to handle but its ok.
i just hope u will your father soon
btw, mis cai, i cant post in your tagboard, it says ” i am not allowed to use owner’s email ” well in fact i use mine 
namiss din kita sis T_____T
now lang ulit ako nakapag blog.. pasenxa na po T__T
sorry to hear about this… i hope you’ll hear from him again soon, if only to tie up loose ends and to know if he’s alright. i guess not knowing the real score is the worst of it. hang in there
Posted by onyxx at June 17, 2007, 9:00 pmAte Cai, your entry made me cry. Hehe.
I’m too sentimental when it comes to topics like this, I know what it feels.
I do hope that someday, you’ll see your father again.
You deserve it.
Happy Father’s Day to your Dad.
it just came to my mind, perhaps we got bloggers around who are living in germany right now? may be they can help by making inquiries about your dad to local statistics office or something like that.
and i wish you good luck and happy moments ahead cai.. just go on with faith.
Posted by dimaks at June 18, 2007, 4:47 amHi Cai, your dad misses u too. keep on praying. God is good.
Posted by malaya at June 18, 2007, 11:20 amdimaks’ suggestion is i guess practical. let me send your post to a blogger friend in germany.
and Cai, i know how you feel, let me just hope with you that you will find your father soon.
Posted by SexyMom at June 18, 2007, 1:58 pmkeep the faith cai! with this post, i’m sure many bloggers would be willing to help in tracking your father’s whereabouts.
Posted by Daisy at June 18, 2007, 2:54 pmdont give up. as long as there’s still a spark of hope. miracles happen everyday.
Posted by badoodles.wordpress.com at June 18, 2007, 7:02 pmWhile reading this post, I felt a sudden gush of heavy emotions. I’m one with this peeps here wishing you and your dad would one day be reunited. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.
Posted by Ariel at June 18, 2007, 10:46 pmi hope magkita ulit kayo ng dad mo!! i’m praying for you sis…
God bless! Happy Father’s Day!
Posted by rHo at June 19, 2007, 12:42 amBeing fatherless is better than having a stranger for a father. That’s why I didn’t greet my so-called father, I greeted my mom instead.
I am, in a sense, fatherless.
Posted by Najo at June 19, 2007, 10:23 pmhey! damn i almost cried wen i was reading ur post. but damn now my tears are falling wen i was typing my comment to u. i know how u feel cai. maybe our story wer almost the same but i have another case about it. havent seen my dad for 13yrs now. his out of the country wen i was born. wenever i see him i cry coz im afraid of his beard and mustache. then it happend that he needs to stay for a while in the phils coz his looking for another employer. but after 3yrs he go back to saudi and work there again. well this would be along story i guess. hehe. if u want to know i can share it with u. just tell me. 
but most likely ive also lived the way u do. weve once experineced poverty, my mom having lots of probs and lots of other things. the way a father ask a daughter “may nanliligaw na ba syo? uhmm..may bf kana ata eh.” but unfortunately, some bad things happened between us and nobody to blame.
take care cai. mwahugs
someday soon, i know God is good that he will hear your prayers and grant them. keep ur faith. Goodluck. soon you will see him in unexpected but in the right time.
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You’ll see him again someday soon, sis. In His time. Just keep on praying.
I just wish some blogger would recognize your dad and would lead to finding him.
God bless, sis!
Posted by sasha at June 17, 2007, 11:29 am